Posts Tagged Rant

I don’t usually post here about my activities in World of Warcraft – that’s usually reserved for my WoW dedicated blog, to keep from clogging up this blog with too much WoW.  For the last six months or so, I’ve been on an extended hiatus from the game, but was planning to come back when the next expansion, Cataclysm, comes out. In fact, I was beginning to get really excited about it.

Initially the implementation of RealID in WoW didn’t worry me too much, beyond the thought that people might get annoyed with me for not friending them back. It was optional and you had control over who would have your information.

Then this happened:

The first and most significant change is that in the near future, anyone posting or replying to a post on official Blizzard forums will be doing so using their Real ID — that is, their real-life first and last name — with the option to also display the name of their primary in-game character alongside it. These changes will go into effect on all StarCraft II forums with the launch of the new community site prior to the July 27 release of the game, with the World of Warcraft site and forums following suit near the launch of Cataclysm. The classic Battle.net forums, including those for Diablo II and Warcraft III, will be moving to a new legacy forum section with the release of the StarCraft II community site and at that time will also transition to using Real ID for posting.

The official forums have always been a great place to discuss the latest info on our games, offer ideas and suggestions, and share experiences with other players — however, the forums have also earned a reputation as a place where flame wars, trolling, and other unpleasantness run wild. Removing the veil of anonymity typical to online dialogue will contribute to a more positive forum environment, promote constructive conversations, and connect the Blizzard community in ways they haven’t been connected before. With this change, you’ll see blue posters (i.e. Blizzard employees) posting by their real first and last names on our forums as well.

Now, I would be the first person to agree that Blizzard needs to do something about their forums, which are a haven of villainy and scum.  Since early in my first few months of playing the game, I learned to avoid the official forums like the plague. The majority of posters there have no other thought than to troll and bully people.  Over the period of time I have spent playing the game, my posts on the official forums have been limited to event announcements as guildmaster of an active roleplaying guild, bug reports, and technical support questions.  It is true that anonymity encourages the bad behavior. However, that same anonymity also helps to maintain the security and privacy of people who aren’t behaving badly.

Now, it’s not hard to find out my real name. I’ve got it all over the place. As a professional writer, it is important that I maintain a web presence under my real name in various locations and on various social networks. It’s not really something I hide all that much, and the fact that I play WoW is no great secret.  However, I do know a large number of people who have every reason in the world not to want their real names associated with their activities in an online environment, or to have strangers they might meet in that online environment know their real name.

Here are some of the problems I see immediately with this issue:

First of all, I happen to live in a state where it is still possible to be fired from your job for being gay. It is a state where violence against gays is still a major issue and there are no hate laws. In the last three months, I have seen in the news at least two unprovoked attacks against gay men in my state, one resulting in severe injury and the other, just this last weekend, only escaping injury  because the victims knew self defense techniques.

For a long time, World of Warcraft has been one of a few places where people who are still forced to be in the closet, be they gay, transgendered, or gender-queer, could be themselves without fear of real life repercussions. There are many prominent gay guilds in the game. Attaching real names to characters and guilds and removing anonymity could potentially force people out of the closet in-real-life. Many of these same people have good reason to fear not just for their jobs but also for their personal safety if their secret is exposed.

Second, I know of a number of women who purposely play male characters to avoid being harassed due to their gender. It is unfortunate, but misogyny and sexual harassment are major issues in the gaming community, and WoW has more than its fair share.  Exposing real names on the forums would also expose the gender of those who choose to play characters of opposite gender for reasons beyond “I just liked the way they looked.”  It is quite often difficult to be a woman and be a gamer – you have to constantly fight against the assumption that just because you’re a woman you can’t tank, you can’t PvP, you can’t…play as well as a male.  A lot of women have avoided this by playing male characters and pretending to be male.  There are also women who have been stalked and harassed by real-life ex-boyfriends or in-game acquaintances in the game who have escaped them by rolling new characters with new names on new servers, retreating into anonymity. Removing that anonymity would expose them to further harassment.  It could even provide a means for stalkers and rapists to locate victims. There’s a reason why we teach our young girls to keep their Facebook profiles private and to not give out personal information. To do so compromises their security and puts them in danger. It makes it easier for predators to find them.

What happens when the first murderer finds his victim through the WoW forums, Blizzard? Or the first pedophile? Because they are there. I have had personal contact (and reported on multiple occasions) at least one pedophile that is still playing the game.  What happens when the first homophobe decides to take up arms against someone that got outed on the WoW forums? With a real name, it’s not that difficult to find an address, or find out where someone works, or harass them, blackmail them, harm them.

True, murder and rape would be the most extreme potential ramifications, but they should be considered. The fact that people could lose their jobs if their identity is revealed should have been considered.

Of course, the way to keep from losing anonymity is to avoid posting on the forums at all, but where is this violation of privacy going to stop, Blizzard? And did you really want to leave a significant portion of your customer population faced with the choice between asking a tech support question and preserving their own personal safety?

Related articles by Zemanta

• Blizzard exposes real names on WoW forums (go.theregister.com)
• An interesting experiment in online social forums (scienceblogs.com)
• Produce Your Name and Papers, Please (terranova.blogs.com)

Warning: The following post contains some adult language.

I’ve been in a bit of an ill-tempered mood this week, so I decided to put this post on the back burner overnight and come back to it to make sure it wasn’t too ranty. But no, after reading it this morning, I think it entails the proper amount of rant for the situation. I’m pissed off. Thoroughly, and with full justification.

Here’s the situation. I have health insurance. I only went without for a couple of years while I was unemployed.  I started out with really good health insurance, actually, but the company (Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia) raised my monthly premiums by an average of $50 on an annual basis. I tolerated it for the first few years, but over the last few the increases have been beyond what my budget can handle, and I’ve had to downgrade to a higher deductible, lower benefit plan. Even so, I stayed under the same carrier and even the same member group.

This year they increased my premiums by $60 in March. Today I got a notice that they will be increasing my monthly premium again by $60 in July.

That’s a healthcare premium increase of $120.00/month over the course of less than six months, bringing my premium up to what amounts to a week and a half’s pay.

Now . . . keep in mind that I am in what is probably the best health of my life, where I am neither starving myself as I did in high school or eating mounds and mounds of junk food as I did in college.  I eat healthy. I do an hour of high intensity exercise every day.  I haven’t been to the doctor in years except for my annual physical, which I get at a sliding fee clinic and pay for out of pocket, because over the last couple of years I’ve been forced to raise my deductible to the point where that is the only way I can afford to go.

The only thing that I have ever used my health insurance to pay for since I have had it was an eye exam and a pair of glasses.

I just did the calculations , and this means that I have paid approximately (and this is on the low end) $12,000.00 in premiums for . . . a pair of glasses.

But BCBS feels justified in raising my premium by almost $120/month over the course of less than six months.

Yeeeeah. I’m tempted to drop my insurance entirely and wait out the five years until the new healthcare regulations go into effect, but at the same time I’m terrified that in the backlash will result in a Republican Congress that will repeal and destroy the one hope I’ve had in years for decent healthcare. The free market system for healthcare doesn’t work.  I have health insurance, yes . . . but I still can’t afford to go to the doctor. True, I need it little now, but if I did need it, or goddess forbid, I had an accident of some sort and had to go to the hospital, I would be bankrupt.

Right now I’m looking into the healthcare savings plans offered through my bank, as that may be the best option for me right now.  I’ve tried free market health insurance, and all it ever did was screw me up the ass.  It’s little more than protection money.  I pay through the nose for no benefit whatsoever. It’s time to look into other options.  And I think I’ll be writing to the state insurance commissioner. A $120 increase in monthly premiums in such a short time has to raise some red flags somewhere.

Related articles by Zemanta

• BlueCross BlueShield will cover you – after you die (trueslant.com)
• Senate Democrats Push For Regulation Of Health Insurance Premiums (huffingtonpost.com)
• High deductible health insurance is bad for your health (casesblog.blogspot.com)

This kind of goes along with my previous post concerning the way censorship and ratings in the US tends to be heavy-handed when it comes to nudity while allowing all sorts of violence to be branded “kid-friendly.”

There’s a phenomenon that I come across fairly regularly where people will ignore the ratings on a piece of media, buy the piece of media for their children, and then complain that “OH MY GOD, SUCHANDSUCH HAS NAKED PEOPLE/LOTS OF BLOOD AND GORE/HORRIFIC IMAGERY THAT MY PERFECT CHILD SHOULD NEVER SEE WITH THEIR INNOCENT EYES!”

At which point I tend to want to take the package, point at the rating (which inevitably is M, R, NC-17, etc.) and go “Yeah? That’s why it’s rated for ADULTS ONLY!”

At which point I get a blank look, and/or: “But it’s a cartoon/video game/comic book/etc. and cartoons/video games/comic books/etc. are meant for kids.”

Where did this come from, this automatic assumption that just because something drawn, either with traditional animation or art media or digitally, it therefore is intended primarily for children?  This is almost certainly a purely Western notion, because Japanese anime doesn’t seem to make that assumption (though I have seen Westerners assume thus in regards to Japanese anime).

First of all, as the first generation of at-home gamers (of which I am a proud member) grew up, video games grew up with them. Right now, the vast majority of gamers are ages 25 and up, both male and female. We’ve long ago outgrown shiny happy fairy-tale castles with a pretty pink princess inside, and most of us look for darker, grittier, more cynical, and yes, more realistically violent games.  For those of us who are parents, of which there are no small number, most of these games are such that we would never allow our children to play, though we may play them ourselves.

These video games are rated “M”, which is clearly marked on the video game package, along with the translation “For Mature Players.”  These are video games that are made for adults. Why, then, do some parents buy these games for their children, ignoring the rating, and then complain about the content?

The same seems to go for any animated cartoon, though shows like Beevis and Butthead, South Park, etc. have made a dent in it, I still see and hear of parents letting their children watch “cartoons” and then throwing a fit when they find out that it has some sort of inflammatory not-for-the-kiddos content in it.

Again, the ratings for these “cartoons” are clearly displayed on the television during the opening credits, are clearly available over the internet for anyone who wants to see them, and yet the parents are raising hell over these shows containing more mature content when they’re clearly marked as being not for kids.

But… but…. but… they’re cartoons.

Yeah? There’s been dirty pictures drawn all over the place since the first caveman picked up a stick of charcoal.

The same “but it’s made for kids” philosophy extends to comic books and any movies based on comic books too, as we all saw with release of Watchmen and the Legendary Blue Wang. I saw plenty of moms and dads leading their little kids into that movie, and then leading them right back out with hands over their eyes.  I had to wonder if they had completely failed to notice, on purchasing the ticket, that the movie had a great big “R” next to it?

No, because you see the thing is that these people who ignore the ratings on things and then end up burned inevitably turn on the distributors, the creators, the writers, the artists.  They are EVIL EVIL people for exposing their precious children to these things!

But it’s not the creators’ or the distributors’ fault. They made a product that was intended for adult consumption, and clearly marked as such on said product. This mark is a warning for parents, it says “This is not for kids.”  If the parent then chooses to ignore that warning, then it’s the parent’s own fault for what they have chosen to expose their child to.  You were warned. You chose not to heed that warning. It’s not our fault if you get burned.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Censorship as an Excuse for Lazy Parenting (intellectualblathering.com)
• Mega64 talks Mass Effect 2 sex censorship (joystiq.com)
• Surprise, adults can play video games, too! (trueslant.com)
• Survey: 82% Of “Gamer” Parents Are Hip To The ESRB [Survey Says] (kotaku.com)

Fantaticism is dangerous. It doesn’t matter whether you’re thumping the Bible, the Qur’an, or the Holy Pasta Bowl. At its best, religion can be a wonderful thing, a support system, an impetus to inspire the best in people. Unfortunately, it can also inspire the worst things. Of those bad things, the worst, and most common, is hate, and the people who use their religion to excuse their hate and their lack of good will and their bigotry.

Already the vultures and hate-mongers are starting the same thing with the natural disaster in Haiti that they yelled from the rooftops about Katrina (when they claimed the hurricane came because New Orleans was a sinful city). Pat Robertson says that Haiti deserved what they got and brought the earthquake down upon themselves because they made a deal with the devil to defeat the French.

Now . . . that’s a merciful and very Christian thing to say, isn’t it? Oh, that’s really following the example of Jesus, who taught forgiveness and serving and your fellow man. Yes, that’s a wonderful example of good Christianity . . . preaching hate and blame instead of love and peace. Way to go, Pat.

You know, Jesus really was a great guy. It’s the people who use religion to pull things like this that I can’t stand.

What the good Christians (and Muslims, and Jews, and Pagans, and Athiests, and Pastafarians, and whatever else) will be doing is actually going down there to help instead of trying to place blame where it is not due.

I’d like to encourage everyone to try to give some real and tangible help if you’re able. If you’ve got the means and know-how to go down there and do something to help, by whatever diety you choose, go down there and do it. If all you have is a bit of spare change to donate to one of the many charities down there, you can do that. Just saying “Oh, those poor people” and then going on with your day doesn’t help them one little bit.

If you want to send some help, here are some wonderful charities that could use your assistance.

• Text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts. Learn more: http://bit.ly/6KiRtE
• UNICEF’s Earthquake Relief Fund information can be found here: https://secure.unicefusa.org/site/Donation2?df_id=6680&6680.donation=form1
• Partners In Health was already down there and were immediately hard at work. Donate to them here: http://www.pih.org/home.html
• The Doctors Without Borders Haiti donation link is here: http://doctorswithoutborders.org/

These people are innocents killed in a natural disaster that they had no control over, and they need mercy and help, not blame for something that is not their fault.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Help Haiti (liberalconspiracy.org)
• Actually, Pat Robertson, Religious Beliefs Are Protected by Matthew Shepard Act (queerty.com)
• P.E.I. Red Cross accepts Haiti donations (cbc.ca)
• Archbishop of Port-au-Prince dies in Haiti quake (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

Now that I’m firmly back to blogging from my month of NaNo, I’m ready to offer a few comments in support of Adam Lambert. The scandal arising out of his performance at the AMA Awards wasn’t all that surprising, and yet, at the same time it was rather saddening.

How quickly Americans expose their inner bigots when faced with something a little bit different from what they’re used to.

Adam Lambert Kissed A Man. On National Television. After 11 o’clock on a school night. Oh my god, the children might see.

What on earth sort of parents let their children watch TV that late at night, anyway? This is a case where people are calling out for censorship as a substitute for being responsible parents who, you know, take a hand in what they allow their children to watch and, when something potentially disturbing or worrisome shows up on those shows, discusses this and the implications of it with their children. Adam Lambert was absolutely correct in placing the responsibility of what children watch firmly with the parents rather than the entertainer.

Unfortunately, these lazy parents want to let their kids watch tv long after they should’ve been in bed, without them paying proper attention to what their kids might be watching.  Needless to say, this wouldn’t have been an issue at all if the person that Adam decided to kiss was a girl.  If Adam had decided to act out a grizzly murder on the stage, complete with spurting blood, well, that would’ve been okay too.

Censorship in this country is so incredibly backwards from the way it should be. When it comes to acts of love, or even completely non-sexual brands of nudity, the censorship organizations cut and mangle and block things out, but when it comes to violence, expressions of hate, the censors look the other way.

It shouldn’t work that way. Violence should be “worse” in the considerations of ratings and censoring than nudity or sex.  A movie is more likely to get an R rating (or worse) here for nudity than it is for violence, and PG-13 movies continue to grow more and more violent as the years pass.

I’d be much more worried about my kids watching some of these violent PG-13 movies than some of the R rated movies that are tame, but for a moment of non-sexualized nudity, or, heaven forbid, gay kissing.

But then, it all goes back to the same thing. Enforcing “Morals” in this country these days tend to mean it’s okay to hate in public, but love and affection gets censored.

In one of those mind-boggling episodes of backwards and bigoted thinking that tends to run rampant here in the South, a teen attending school at North Cobb County High School was told that he either needed to dress more manly, or consider being home-schooled.

Now, there’s a little secret of the educational system down here: Frequently, drop-outs are instead classified as being “home-schooled” so that the school they dropped out from doesn’t have to count them as dropouts for AYP standards, and risk losing funding.  This child would have no educational resources at home, so for him, being “home schooled” would mean “dropping out.”

So, what the administrators were telling  Jonathan Escobar was that he either had to stop wearing feminine clothes - clothes which, on a girl, would not have been against dress code, and which were in fact a good deal more tasteful and modest than what many teenage girls in attendance wear – or he would have to give up his constitutionally guaranteed right to an education.

The school administrators are blustering and making excuses about being worried about the boy’s safety, but rather than punishing the boy in question for being different, they could have turned this situation into a learning experience for the other children.  Rather than making bigotry into school policy and enforcing that bigotry, any students who were threatening or bullying this student for his difference should have been punished and taught that such behavior is not acceptable.

Instead, those students are getting taught the exact opposite: That bigotry is okay, that it’s perfectly alright to beat up, threaten, and bully children who are different because it’s those children who are going to get punished, rather than the bullies.

For those of you who would like to help Jonathan, give him your support and express your opinions on the matter to the North Cobb High School, your letters can be sent to the following addresses:

Principal Philip D. Page
North Cobb High School
3400 Highway 293 North
Kennesaw, Georgia 30144

Principal’s Email: Phillip.Page@cobbk12.org

Cobb County Board of Education: http://www.cobbk12.org/board/

Other Email Addresses: http://www.cobbk12.org/NorthCobb/admin.htm

There’s also a Facebook Group.  If you make a blog post or send a letter, please copy the address, comment, etc. to that group to show your support of Jonathan, and email your post to the school administrators.

This is something that cannot stand.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Kids And Violence: Over 60 Percent Exposed, According To Justice Department (huffingtonpost.com)
• Jonathan Escobar’s Pink Wig + Makeup Are Too Much For High School, Eh? (queerty.com)
• Teen Jonathan Escobar told to “dress more manly” or leave school (inquisitr.com)

The Philadelphia Free Library System is closing its doors.

As a bibliophile and great lover of libraries, this saddens me a great deal.  Libraries have always provided for me a place of refuge and sanctuary, where I can go and quiet my mind and feel at peace.  As fast as I tend to fly through books, the library also offers me an alternative to what would be a huge expense.

It also provides what in some cases can be the only access that the extremely poor can have to books and information.  Libraries are an invaluable educational resource, and should not be looked on as an optional service to the people any more than the right to a public education.

But in the recession, education is one of the areas where the most suffering seems to be occurring. Teacher layoffs, school consolidations, class sizes growing. Educational resources, be it schools or libraries, should be the last cost-cutting option, instead it’s seemed to be the first place that cuts have been made.

Without education, there is no hope that in the future we may be able to pull ourselves out of this monetary hole we’ve found ourselves in.  Education is the  foundation stone of success, and without a quality education, be it of an academic or vocational sort, there is no hope that any person can succeed, much less bring themselves out of poverty.

Libraries, and the books contained therein, are a place where children can learn not to resent being forced to read, but to look on reading as a fulfilling activity.  Libraries tend to be a center of historical and genealogical records for local areas, records that are not available online or via any other resource.

Even were all of the information contained in libraries freely available over the internet, that information would not be accessible by a significant portion of the population who still cannot afford computers, much less a monthly internet fee.  For those people, libraries were also the only place where they could freely access those electronic resources.

By closing the door of a library,  much less the entire library system for a large city such as Philadelphia, you close the door to knowledge for a significant portion of the population, and by doing so, you weaken the population as a whole.

Were Ben Franklin alive to see this, he would be weeping.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Philadelphia To Close Public Libraries – All Of Them – October 2nd [Libraries] (consumerist.com)
• Philadelphia Free Library System is shutting down (boingboing.net)

(Click Here for the Photo Gallery of the Con!)

Overall, the Con was just as awesome as it always is, though we saw fewer panels (we really only attended two) and attended fewer events.  There were fewer elaborate costumes this year, likely as a result of the economy, but those that were were some of the most amazing I’ve seen to date.  (Did everyone get  a chance to see that amazing Big Daddy Costume that won the Masquerade?)

BioShock Big Daddy and Little Sisters costume at DragonCon

The only really big disappointment of the Con was the photo-op with Bill Shatner and Leonard Nimoy, which had been the thing we were most looking forward to.  We found out afterwards that the stars themselves were upset about the way the photo op had been run – it was fairly clear that the photographer, Froggy-Photos, had over-booked to make more money and it was rather more like being herded vaguely and forcefully past the actors rather than actually getting to meet them, much less thank them for all that they have done and been to us.  Considering how much we paid for that photo, we most certainly didn’t get our money’s worth, and then to add to the annoyance and disappointment of it all, the photographer lost our photo, and those of several other people.  They re-printed them, but at that point we were disgusted enough that we’d almost have rather had a refund than our photo.  Not only did we have the expense of the photo, we had actually taken off work a day ahead of what we’d intended (losing pay for that day) and taken a hotel room for an extra night just so we could make it to that photo-op which, rather than being a wonderful experience, turned out to just be infuriating and disappointing.

Needless to say, we will not be wasting our money on any Froggy-Photo run photo-ops in the future, and I would suggest the same to others, no matter who the stars are. It’s not an opportunity to actually get to meet the stars, you’ll just get to walk behind them and don’t even have a chance to compose yourself before the flash and you’re herded off.

Dirk Benedict, Bryant, and Me at DragonCon

But before I get too ranty about that, the remainder of the Con, after that inauspicious start, was great.  Thanks to an additional Digital TV channel that got added this year, playing mostly tv shows from the 80′s, we’ve been watching a lot of the A-Team lately.  So we went to the A-Team panel that Friday with Dwight Schultz and Dirk Benedict, which was fun and really unexpectedly touching.  From there, we headed to the Walk of Fame, where we met Dirk Benedict and talked with him for a good long while about his books, one of which we bought and had autographed, and had our picture taken with him. As far as celebrities go, meeting him was the unexpected highlight of the convention.

The unexpected good things continued Friday night as we headed up to Nicholai’s Roof for what was undoubtedly the best meal I have ever put in my mouth.  Neither Bryant nor I had had foie gras before – we may be foodies, but we’re not exactly wealthy foodies – and neither of us like liver, so it was with some trepidation that we headed into the flavors that, for us, were experimental.  There was not one morsel I put in my mouth that was not absolutely heavenly.  If ever there was orgasm inducing food, that was it.

DragonCon Parade Banner

The parade was the next day, and as I said, the costumes were no where near as numerous or as elaborate as they have been in years past, which is understandable as everyone is tightening their belts this year.  Nonetheless, the parade is always fun to attend, and the people we ended up watching it around this year were pretty awesome folks.  We lined up well ahead of the event and had a chance to sit and talk with them for a long time.

We then headed to get in line for the Adam Savage panel.  To be honest, I didn’t expect the line to form as early as it did, but I’m glad I listened to B and we headed on over there.  We managed to be close to the front of the line.  The Sheraton employees proved to be just as rude and obnoxious as last year, but fortunately the DragonCon officials were having none of it.  (Seriously, you guys are my heroes!)  DragonCon continues to be one of those rare places where waiting in a queue for hours can actually be fun and interesting.

Adam was wonderful, as, of course, he would be.  I never did guess what his costume was at the Con (a chewbacca outfit that we must’ve walked past a dozen times and never recognized as him).  He proved to be yet another of those examples where it seems like the stars have just as much fun at the convention as the fans – something that seems to set DragonCon apart from other conventions of its kind.  He talked at length about how Mythbusters became so successful as an educational show rather by accident.  They had set out to entertain, and found out that the scientific method was simply the best way to do what they were setting out to do, and that it gave the show a natural narrative flow.

Saturday night, we went to the DragonCon at the Aquarium event, which was amazing and relaxing.  It was nice to get away from the congestion and the noise, and to sit and watch the whale sharks and mantas seeming to fly across in front of us was absolutely wonderful.

Most of the rest of the weekend was spent people-watching and relaxing and just generally being on vacation.  All in all, we had a wonderful time, and the things that we enjoyed turned out to be the unexpected things.

Related articles by Zemanta

• How to build a Big Daddy costume, in many complicated steps (joystiq.com)
• w00tstock, Three Hours of Geeks and Music With Adam Savage, Wil Wheaton & Paul and Storm (laughingsquid.com)

It seems a common thing among my fellow bordering-on-thirty or thirty-something female friends.  Family events, coming across an old acquaintance somewhere, etc. are met with dread, not because they do not wish to see these people, but because of the questions.

Because it never fails that, within the first few moments of reunion, they will be asked: “Are you married yet?” or “Any marriage plans in your future?” or “When do you think you’ll be getting married?”

It really is as if the general thought is that the only thing there is for a woman to do once she has finished her schooling  is to find a husband.  Because we all know that women of around 25-30 years old want nothing more than to get married and start popping babies out.

This is such an archaic and chauvinistic point of view that it rather infuriates me.  It’s as if, the moment you get done with college, there’s an expiration date set into your forehead, and if you get too near 30 without having secured that husband, you’re about to go sour.

What about being responsible?  Making sure that you’re able to support a family, deal with the stress of a marriage (much less the stress of being a parent)?  This entire point of view seems to ignore the fact that the general trend these days is toward marrying later, having children even later.  That these marriages, where the people involved have settled into their adulthood and accepted their responsibilities and firmly provided for their future tend to be more successful?

The fact that I have been in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man and that we still, after 12 years, are not married, seems to really bother people.  Somehow it doesn’t seem to compute that we can be happy and not be married.  That I, as a woman, can be happy not having had a full compliment of kids already.

Folks, there’s life out there to be lived before I want to have to deal with the stresses and responsibilities and financial burdens inherent in having a family.  Things I want to do and see and be.

I’m sure there are as many reasons that women are waiting longer now as there are women to wait, but there is no expiration date, even the biological clock these days seems to run slower and slower.  Give us our time and know that when or if we’re ready, that’s when it’ll be.  Until then, stop asking. We’ll tell you, if you need to know.

Related articles by Zemanta

• When, and when not, to get married (counselingonlinesite.com)
• The case against having kids

Writing my post on the inflammatory lies being spread in attempts to kill healthcare reform and reading an interesting article at Slate on the best way to kill those lies got me to thinking about the nature of truth.

Truth tends to be relative. I’m not talking about cold, hard, indisputable fact, but truth.  That is, what people believe to be the truth, which quite often, these days, has only the broadest and most unsubstantial link to actual fact.

People will believe the truth is what they want the truth to be. Period. Whether that truth has a basis in fact has little to no effect on if it will be believed.  This is why we can end up with people who believe, absolutely, in things like the death panels.  People believe that it is true because people they trust said it is true, and everywhere that they choose to go (on the internet, on the news channels they choose to watch on television) also say that it is true.  Therefore, it becomes a truth, though a truth not at all centered in factual information.

They do not bother to look to a source that might dispute the validity of such a statement, and if anyone does dispute the validity of such statements, well, the disputer’s facts must be faulty in some manner, because we all know that the truth is the truth, right?

Like seeks like, so we as human beings tend to seek out those who share our opinions.  And by seeking out only those sources and communities that share our opinions, the only truths we come across are those which we most want to be true, and so when confronted with facts that run in opposition to that which we’ve heard within those communities and sources is true, those facts must be either wrong or outright lies.

This is why some otherwise intelligent people can believe, in no uncertain terms, that all Muslims are terrorists, Obama wasn’t born an American, and the Democrats are conspiring to kill our grandmas.  Every news source they choose to use to find out these things is telling them this, every community they partake in agrees with them on this, and so opinions and lies somehow gain an aura of truth, because dissenting opinions are never sought.

It’s an interesting paradox.  Today, thanks to the internet, we have access to as many points of view as there are people, and yet, we only seek out those points of view which agree with our own.  Shouldn’t we be using this resource as a way to broaden our minds?  Shouldn’t we learn how to filter through the spin and the politics to find the actual facts regardless of how different those facts might be from what we believe?