Not an Old Maid
It seems a common thing among my fellow bordering-on-thirty or thirty-something female friends. Family events, coming across an old acquaintance somewhere, etc. are met with dread, not because they do not wish to see these people, but because of the questions.
Because it never fails that, within the first few moments of reunion, they will be asked: “Are you married yet?” or “Any marriage plans in your future?” or “When do you think you’ll be getting married?”
It really is as if the general thought is that the only thing there is for a woman to do once she has finished her schooling is to find a husband. Because we all know that women of around 25-30 years old want nothing more than to get married and start popping babies out.
This is such an archaic and chauvinistic point of view that it rather infuriates me. It’s as if, the moment you get done with college, there’s an expiration date set into your forehead, and if you get too near 30 without having secured that husband, you’re about to go sour.
What about being responsible? Making sure that you’re able to support a family, deal with the stress of a marriage (much less the stress of being a parent)? This entire point of view seems to ignore the fact that the general trend these days is toward marrying later, having children even later. That these marriages, where the people involved have settled into their adulthood and accepted their responsibilities and firmly provided for their future tend to be more successful?
The fact that I have been in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man and that we still, after 12 years, are not married, seems to really bother people. Somehow it doesn’t seem to compute that we can be happy and not be married. That I, as a woman, can be happy not having had a full compliment of kids already.
Folks, there’s life out there to be lived before I want to have to deal with the stresses and responsibilities and financial burdens inherent in having a family. Things I want to do and see and be.
I’m sure there are as many reasons that women are waiting longer now as there are women to wait, but there is no expiration date, even the biological clock these days seems to run slower and slower. Give us our time and know that when or if we’re ready, that’s when it’ll be. Until then, stop asking. We’ll tell you, if you need to know.
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